June 3rd, 2022: Half Human and Half Machine

Welcome to my blog, my dear guest. It's currently 1:32 AM as I write this, and I have to say that starting this blog with a gash on my left index finger was probably not a great decision.

Yesterday morning, while making biscuits for the first time in half a year, I cut my finger on the blade of the food processor. I was very fortunate that my brother was in the kitchen as I nonchalantly yelped and walked to the sink. It was a very strange moment; he scurried around the kitchen looking for a band-aid while I sat in front of the faucet, washing the dough off of my hand. The cut ran the whole length of the tip of my finger, and despite the large amount of blood pouring out of the incision, I felt no pain. It felt almost as though I was completely disconnected from the injury itself, and was only concerned with how much blood ended up inside the mix. Fortunately, not a speck of blood landed in the dough, and the biscuits were no less delicious.

Since last summer, I've been somewhat disconnected from my own life, both physically and mentally. It seems like I spend a lot of time fantasizing about how things could be or should be, and not enough time trying to improve what I have now. When I was younger, I believed that I was a realist and a rational, a man who refused to let anything personal or emotional get in the way of his success, and I realize now that I was just ignoring my human half. I was so busy crunching numbers, I forgot to make friends.

Nowadays it often feels like the opposite is true. I hang out with lots of people in virtual reality, and I can proudly say that I enjoy their company, but at the cost of my focus. It feels like I hardly have time to myself, as even right now I want to give my bandaged finger a break and get in my headset. Funny, a younger me would've scoffed at such a minor nuance, but he wasn't much into details. 

As this blog continues, I hope to heal both my fingertip and my mind. Just as my left hand serves as much of a purpose as my right, I believe that the younger half-robot that is cold and calculating is as important as the more recent half-human that is warm and welcoming. And just as I continue to heal and improve myself, I hope you, the reader, follow in my stride.

Your half-robot,

DW