June 5th, 2022: Half Empathy and Half Symphony

Good evening, my dear guest. It's currently 6:45 PM as I begin this post, and I want to make one thing clear: Despite my best efforts, I am not a particularly smart person.

I catch myself trying to throw away forks while keeping plastic trash in my other hand, I'm easily seduced by get-rich-quick schemes, and similar to this cat pictured on the right, I have trouble recognizing danger. I'm clueless about a lot of things, even stuff like foreign politics and economics. Sometimes, I try to understand more about topics of that nature by doing research through search engines and books, and just end up angry at things for the way they are. As a result, I've noticed that in conversations about topics such as these, I play a very meek role, trying to analyze the perspectives of others and not offering any of my own. In this way, I've made quite a few connections with people whose opinions on the world are very advertised. I was far worse about this when I was younger, as I'd spend a lot of time listening to others, and verbally agreeing with them even if I found their ideas dubious. More recently, however, I've discovered a new form of this trap that has upset me quite some bit.

Rather than the boisterous, desperate character that telegraphs themselves, I've found that one of the people I hold very dear to my heart is a person whose advertised ideals are far more subtle but just as dubious. Don't worry; if you're reading this, chances are you can't be them, considering they don't take much interest in my life anymore.

This person plays themselves up as an empathetic worker who takes interests in peoples' lives out of kindness, hiding their nature as a troubled controller with ulterior motives. A person who supports you while they think they can align with you, and drops you when you no longer serve a purpose to them. Playing politics with their own friends and orchestrating their interactions with others.

This person, who I'll just call Michelle (apologies to any Michelles who read my blog,) came into my life at a moment of weakness. Almost exactly a year ago, Michelle came into my life and opened me up to the pointlessness of my own avoidant behaviors. We spent a lot of time discussing our lives and patterns each other over the next sixth months, and I assumed we had formed a rapport. 

Come January, my assumption is quickly punished. We disagree on how a mutual friend of ours should break it off with their partner, and Michelle blows a fuse. Michelle has been holding in her distaste in my opinions for quite some time, and voices her complaints in a very backhanded manner before running off.

Since then, I've looked back and noticed quite a few "red flags," of which I'm not at liberty to speak. We're not as close as we were then, only seeing each other once every month or two, and the times I have seen her have only reinforced my opinions.

This all brings me to the following: How do you confront the change in relationship that comes from the discovery of their charlatan-like underbelly? How do you find closure in a friendship that was entirely formed as an attempt for the other person to justify themselves with positive reinforcement? How do you give up on what you thought you had?

I guess you make a blog post about it.

Your half-robot,

DW